One of the things I most commonly hear from mid-singles is, "I hate dating." Hey, I understand. Getting dressed nice and going out for a lovely meal at a restaurant with an attractive member of the opposite sex must be pure torture!
Conversely, I have heard many women say that all men want is a "trophy wife." While that is not true either (though it does exist out there), it is fair to say that men are attracted to physical beauty and want to be with someone who takes care of herself. Who could blame them?
I want to give you another dating strategy that I think is more effective, easier, and less stressful. I want you not to hate dating anymore.
The strategy is empathy. Instead of focusing on the impression you are making on your partner, focus on your partner. Listen--really listen. Try to understand your partner's deepest values, his or her hopes and dreams, and the things that have caused your partner pain. I'm not suggesting that you turn a date into a therapy session; just that you do your best to get to know him or her. Focus on getting to know your partner on a deeper level, rather than focusing on your plans to make more money in the future, how you are going on a diet starting tomorrow, or how you have a very important job or are striving to get one. Focusing on selling yourself to another person is exhausting and usually ineffective. Just focusing on the other person and getting to know him or her takes the pressure off and allows the other person to see you as a kind and empathetic human being.
We are tempted to wear masks in order to be seen as acceptable--an oppressive mask that you have to keep wearing to avoid detection as an impostor. That can never be the basis of a safe and secure relationship.