ABOUT MID-SINGLE EXHAUSTION
My first divorce exhausted me in mind, body, and spirit. I felt like I had just been kicked in the stomach all the time for about 4 years. I felt so much anxiety about all of the life changes occasioned by divorce that I couldn't even open my mail at certain times. I would think, "I don't have the energy or the money to address whatever is in that envelope, so I'll worry about my career first and then clean up the financial mess." Of course, my career was in shatters at that time too--and I didn't have enough life energy to address the problem. If you think this kind of depression is not a real thing, you haven't been there. If you have been there, you understand.
People make bad decisions when they are in constant fear and exhaustion. I did too. When you are in enough pain, you will do almost anything for a little relief, even when you know what you are doing is not right or good for you. Trying to teach people who are bereft of life energy morality never works. They probably already know what you were telling them, but they are in so much pain, they don't care. In a way, it's exactly like refusing to open your mail, thinking "I have to get through the next hour. I can't even think about how this might eventually come back to haunt me."
Some of you are overloaded, having all the responsibility for your children as a single parent. Some of you do not get your children nearly as often as you want and you are in pain over it. Many of you struggle with career setbacks that either resulted from your divorce or contributed to it. Most of you feel like it is a challenge to live from day to day even without worrying about dating and social life. I feel your pain.
These are a few ideas I think might be useful to you:
1. You are not exhausted by your circumstances. You are exhausted by your thoughts. Negative and powerless thoughts are a big source of depression and anxiety--and they can be stubbornly difficult to change. They are especially difficult to change when we have associated them with being a good person. If my identity was being an exemplary husband and father and church member, it might be very difficult for me to accept that my life no longer looks like that. It may be very difficult for me to let go of the thought that "no other success can compensate for failure in the home" and adjust to the idea that God has a plan for me and this "tragedy" was part of it. To reclaim your life energy, you have to shift away from the heavy thoughts and embrace thoughts that are lighter and more hopeful. A lot of our life coaching practice is helping people to do that.
3. There is no shame in taking medication. I am not suggesting that as the "go to" remedy for depression or anxiety. However, if you're unable to make the other things work such as thought work, exercise, prayer, meditation, and other mindfulness techniques, a trip to the doctor might make a big difference in helping you to get beyond depression and anxiety more quickly and help you minimize its destructive influence in your life.
5. Seek good friends. Having an emotional support system is one of the most important things you can do. You might feel like you don't have time to socialize. You don't have time not to. If you are depleted of life energy, wise friends can make all the difference.