One of the hardest things about being a single faithful Latter-day Saint is the expectation of celibacy. This indefinite break from sexual activity for those who have been married previously can be a rough transition. Sometimes we might wonder if this is even smart. If I want a good intimate partnership, how do I find someone I'm compatible with if I can't explore intimacy fully?
Our friend, Dr. John Brailsford, has come up with 11 ways to attract & create GREAT SEX without test driving in dating before marriage! These are based on many years of schooling, clinical experience as a therapist, and his own mid-single journey after divorce. The acronym is BASIC & EASIER and here is a very brief outline:
Balance—secure attachment with bonding & differentiation (vs. anxious/avoidant)
Action—does activity and energy output match?
Spontaneity—creative, care-free, adjustable, able to rebound, resilient
Intuition—sense the right way to go, in tune with the spirit, connected with own intuition
Compassion—merciful, forgiving, kind, assertive, empathetic, benefit of the doubt, caring with healthy boundaries
Enthusiasm—passion, confidence, engaged in good works, into me (“in-to-me-see”), interest in health
Affectionate—comfortable with touch, in tune with feelings, tender, gentle, safe, expressive, loving, connective
Selfless—willing to sacrifice, listens, patient, humble, teachable, serves others, knows how to shift priorities
Intelligence—meaningful conversations, willing to discuss intimacy, curiosity, emotional maturity
Encouragement—positive about themselves, believes in me, patient with process of figuring each other out
Resiliency—ability to bounce back to life after adversity, how fast do you bounce back and recover when feeling low?
These 11 factors are fun to explore while dating and none of them require getting super physical and yet, can you see how these would contribute to a great sex life? Our featured podcast dives into these 11 factors in episode 90: "Sexual Compatibility without Test Driving" and our video explores the question "Sex Before Marriage, Yes or No?" Our short of the week is "Intentional Mindset."