Microsoft founder Bill Gates and his wife of 27 years, Melinda Gates, recently announced their divorce. This has shocked the world because the Gates seemed like the epitome of a best-friends marriage, united by three children and their joint leadership of the world's largest charitable foundation.
We don’t claim to know anything about the Gates’ divorce. We are, however, increasingly aware of a crisis point many couples reach after about 25 years of marriage when the kids are raised, careers may be winding down, and couples may look at each other and say, "Who are you?" Life can become all about the kids, the bills, the business, and other things. Couples drift apart. This phenomenon is known as the “Gray Divorce.”
Money can help take some of the worry out of life. But if the richest couple in the world is divorcing, there has to be more to making marriage work than having enough money. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Prioritize the marital relationship above all other relationships. Intentionally turn toward your partner.
2. Stay friends. With all of the busyness of life, don't forget to keep playing. If you run a business together, as the Gates did (and we don't know their circumstances), that might give you more opportunities to interact. But none of us wants everything to be about the bottom line.
3. Take time for personal development. New discoveries and growth as a person better enable you to handle the difficulties that come along, and keep things interesting for your partner. Being intelligent and educated doesn't guarantee marital bliss. However, a lifetime of commitment to personal growth and human relationships can positively impact your companionship.
4. Be intentional about maintaining passion and sexual connection. We want to love and be loved passionately and freely. Once novelty and newness have worn off, this area of life requires more purposeful attention. Don't "outgrow" passion or you may outgrow your marriage.
We can never judge another person’s divorce accurately. It is better to offer love and compassion. Sometimes divorce is the most loving choice. We can assume good intent and refuse to judge or pick sides. To learn more about “divorce stories” and how to choose a perspective that best serves you and future relationships, listen to our recent podcast.
LILY Pod Episode 12: Divorce Stories
Who wants to recreate and rebuild their lives? This Program was designed for you!
Along with many incredible Relationship Coaches, Mental Health Professionals, College Professors and Public Speakers, Love in Later Years will inspire and coach our team of Dating Olympians in our 5-week online masterclass and dating event. Packed full of coaching challenges, supportive interactions and a 2-week in person dating event, where Olympians will earn points for putting to practice what they learn in the course.
To promote this event, the Dating Olympics is offering a huge discount for the first 50 people who sign up. Spread the word!
Share it with your friends or someone you want to get to know. This will be the perfect opportunity for you to do that.
Here is our LILY Pod interview with owner & founder of the Dating Olympics:
In light of Sister Bingham's comments on Face to Face, we would really like to increase our effort to make our Love In Later Years (LILY) Facebook Group a gathering place for mid-singles and those who are interested in their welfare to fellowship, receive edifying thoughts, and alleviate loneliness. The more the merrier! We would like to have 1,000 members by the end of July 2021! 💕 Come join us and please share with friends and family:
Do you want to intentionally transform your life for the better? When it comes to the mind, everything beyond verifiable fact is perspective. The stories we tell have the power to influence our emotions, energy, behaviors, and ultimately our outcomes. We often choose our stories unconsciously and begin to believe our perspective as if it is fact and don’t even question it. Yet there is another option. We can choose our stories consciously to create intentional transformation. Our emotions, energy, behaviors, and outcomes can shift when we choose different stories. We are creators. It all begins with the thoughts we choose to focus on.
We have developed a LILY Coaching Model that we believe will be very helpful in our coaching practice. It provides a framework we as humans each need to do in order to create our best life. The acronym for our model is FSEEBO – so remember to “Forget SEEBO!” Forget the stories that don’t serve you, so you can forget the emotion/energy that doesn’t elevate you, and as a result you will forget each behavior/outcome that doesn’t benefit you! Doing this important thought work with firm intention, over time, will lead you to more purposefully create your life and find greater joy in your journey.
Here’s the breakdown:
Facts – verifiable (every thought beyond the facts is OPTIONAL)
Stories – our own perceptions and adaptations of the facts, the thoughts we choose to subscribe to and focus on
Emotions – the result of our stories, greatly influenced by our thoughts in the moment and in accumulation
Energy – the vibration we approach our day with and the world around us, also influenced by our thoughts/stories
Behaviors – naturally follow stories/emotions/energy, unless we use will-power to counteract it, which isn't sustainable
Outcomes – what our lives look like, as a result of our behaviors, which are influenced by our emotions/energy, and ultimately from our stories – the thoughts we attach to about the facts of our life experience.
Enjoy a more in depth discussion on LILY Pod Episode 11: Our F-SEEBO Model
Listen to "Our F-SEEBO Model" podcast on LILY Pod as many times as it takes to really get it down. Take notes and make a commitment to do this work in your own life. You can do a lot of this work yourself. Yet we all have blind spots so it is very helpful to meet with a coach and get personal assistance. We are happy to support you along the way! Let us know if you’d like a FREE coaching consultation by emailing us at loveinlateryears.com.
When asked the greatest commandment, Jesus answered: “…Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matthew 22:37-39). Loving God, ourselves, and our neighbors is at the root of all other commandments. When we cultivate that love, it is relatively easy and makes perfect sense to honor God’s other requests of us.
We encourage mid-singles to date and find a forever companion, but “love in later years” is so much more than that. It’s about developing the root of all other commandments, which is love. Life, with all its challenges and blessings, is more joyful as we carry the love of God in our hearts. God’s love provides us with a healthy sense of self and reminds us of our divine worth and individual wholeness. Our inherent worth is a constant – no earthly experience can ever change it. As we become love, as God is love, we have the power to develop love in our later years no matter our relationship status.
To dive deeper, enjoy our FREE LILY Pod series, which focus on developing love through honoring the two great commandments. We recommend listening to these in order (episodes 2-6). Links to each episode are provided below.
LILY Pod 5-Part Series:
It is a self-evident truth that, in the realm of human relationships, agency will always create the opportunity for truly irreconcilable differences.
During our long-term marriages, we believed we would always be able to think of an acceptable alternative to divorce, no matter what problem arose. However, in both of our cases, the decision was our spouse's. At other times, the kind of marriage a spouse might have to settle for would violate their integrity. For example, we know a man whose wife told him she would stay married to him if she could keep her lesbian partner in a separate bedroom in their house. He would not remain married on those terms.
In situations where your spouse gave up on the marriage, placed serious addictions above the marriage, or proved chronically unfaithful or abusive, you can continue to hope and pray if you wish. This may be living in denial. Acceptance of reality and of your partner's agency is the beginning of healing.
If you are broken-hearted over the decisions of a former spouse and think, "It wasn't supposed to be this way" or that something is "wrong," give yourself time to grieve. But also begin to ask yourself whether, perhaps, your situation is exactly as it should be. Consider whether a chance to start over at mid-life with all the knowledge you have gained is a tender mercy. Begin to think and dream about creating a new future with a spouse that is aligned with you in the most important areas of life – and see your situation for its possibilities.
HaPpY 3rd AnNiVerSaRy JeFf & CaThY!!! For our anniversary this year, we are sharing a new labor of love with our growing Love In Later Years community. This new podcast "LILY Pod" has 8 episodes to start. We will continue adding fresh new content each week.
We were married and sealed in the Provo City Center Temple on May 11, 2018. For our anniversary this year, which happens to fall on a Tuesday when we send these LILY Letters out each week, we are pleased to share with you our new Love in Later Years production: "LILY Pod." We’ve been working on outlines and recordings over the past month and we are pleased with how the first 8 episodes turned out.
Our anniversary gift to our Love in Later Years community is the opportunity to listen and subscribe to our labor of love for FREE. We will continue adding fresh new content each week. Use any of the following links to enjoy (choose your preferred method of listening):
ApplePodcasts: LILY PodApple
Thanks for being valued members of our growing Love In Later Years (LILY) community. Feel free to spread the love and share with friends and family. To learn more, visit www.loveinlateryears.com.
Jeff Teichert & Cathy Butler Teichert
Official LILY Pod Launch: May 11, 2021 – Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary
Jeff & Cathy discuss the challenges and blessings of mid-single life. As highlighted in our most recent General Conference, single adults have now become the majority in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
During our mid-single years, we each felt like a minority in our church – many mid-singles feel like they don’t fit in. Little did we know that we were all in a class that was becoming and now IS the majority of our adult members! President Ballard and Elder Gong both cited in their talks at General Conference in April 2021, that more than 50% of our adult members are either-divorced, widowed or not yet married.
President Nixon talked about “The Great Silent Majority” of Americans, the same applies to mid-singles. Why are we silent? 1. Because we are busy and have a lot on our minds and on our plates 2. We may not feel comfortable speaking up 3. We just plain aren’t there because some of us become less active. Why? We are dealing with painful emotions. We don’t like being talked about. Divorced men tend to get treated with suspicion and women tend to get pitied. Transitioning to celibacy from marriage is hard. We may feel less relevant in a family oriented church as we adjust to less traditional family units.
We have compassion for all of those concerns it is worth living a covenant life despite all the challenges associated with it. 5 good reasons to stay on the covenant path and to start speaking up:
Our Church and communities need your voice! You are the great silent majority. It’s time to not be silent anymore. Allow your voices to bless and build the Kingdom of God.
LILY Pod Episode 1: The Silent Majority