October 18, 2021
INDEPENDENT JEFF & RELATIONSHIP JEFF

I recently saw an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine decides to befriend George's fiancée, Susan. Kramer warned Jerry that their circle of mid-single friends was "George's sanctuary," and that inviting Susan into that space would cause worlds to collide and blow everything up. Kramer's words proved prescient when George found out. He says there are […]

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October 15, 2021
PILGRIMS ON THE PATH OF GLORY

My wise cousin, Violet Rose Clift, wrote the very vulnerable essay below, about how her earthly father and Heavenly Father sustained her in the most painful moment of her life--and since then. It was a moment when she doubted whether God cared for her at all. Looking back, she can see that God was there. […]

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October 14, 2021
LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART

Cathy and I recently presented at the Fall Conference of the Foundation for Family Life of Utah. While there, we met a man on the lunch-time panel who had spent most of his life in business. He told us that the secret to successful selling is the same as the secret to successful dating. "Make […]

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October 13, 2021
"YOU MAKE ME FEEL . . ."

Do you ever make the mistake of attributing your feelings to someone else's words or behavior? Just to be really clear, your feelings exist inside of you. They are not transferred to you by another person. I do not mean to suggest that others have no effect on us. We are naturally social creatures and […]

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October 11, 2021
ON COVENANT BREAKERS

In Romans Chapter 1, Paul rails, ”against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men," including "covenant breakers" (Romans 1:18, 31). One of the most common complaints I have heard by Latter-day Saint mid-singles is, "My ex broke his (or her) covenants." During much of my mid-single life, I used expressions much like that to justify my […]

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October 4, 2021
ABOUT HONESTY

In our Facebook group, I have frequently written about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability to create trust--even trust in yourself. If you can be vulnerable and open about yourself, then when someone chooses to love you, you can believe that they love the real you and not the mask you are wearing. It helps […]

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September 29, 2021
MEANINGS

Early in my first marriage, I remember having a conversation with my wife about sex. I told her I thought it was the deepest expression of love. She didn't see it that way. I asked her how she saw it and she told me, "It's just something fun we do together." Who was right? We […]

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September 27, 2021
WHY DO PRE-MARITAL COACHING?

I am different because my former spouse "went off the deep end," "had an affair," or "laid around in his underwear all day looking at porn instead of working." "I picked a better person this time, so things will be fine." How many times have we heard this kind of thinking in the mid-single community? […]

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September 24, 2021
THE STATE OF SHALOM

For more than a year, I have been trying to find the right word to describe the mental state where a person is centered, at peace, and not disrupted. I was at an event with a mental health counselor and asked him the question and he said, "the word is homeostasis." Not bad, but not […]

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