Do you want to intentionally transform your life for the better? When it comes to the mind, everything beyond verifiable fact is perspective. The stories we tell have the power to influence our emotions, energy, behaviors, and ultimately our outcomes. We often choose our stories unconsciously and begin to believe our perspective as if it is fact and don’t even question it. Yet there is another option. We can choose our stories consciously to create intentional transformation. Our emotions, energy, behaviors, and outcomes can shift when we choose different stories. We are creators. It all begins with the thoughts we choose to focus on.

We have developed a LILY Coaching Model that we believe will be very helpful in our coaching practice. It provides a framework we as humans each need to do in order to create our best life. The acronym for our model is FSEEBO – so remember to “Forget SEEBO!” Forget the stories that don’t serve you, so you can forget the emotion/energy that doesn’t elevate you, and as a result you will forget each behavior/outcome that doesn’t benefit you! Doing this important thought work with firm intention, over time, will lead you to more purposefully create your life and find greater joy in your journey.

Here’s the breakdown:

Facts – verifiable (every thought beyond the facts is OPTIONAL)

Stories – our own perceptions and adaptations of the facts, the thoughts we choose to subscribe to and focus on

Emotions – the result of our stories, greatly influenced by our thoughts in the moment and in accumulation

Energy – the vibration we approach our day with and the world around us, also influenced by our thoughts/stories

Behaviors – naturally follow stories/emotions/energy, unless we use will-power to counteract it, which isn't sustainable

Outcomes – what our lives look like, as a result of our behaviors, which are influenced by our emotions/energy, and ultimately from our stories – the thoughts we attach to about the facts of our life experience.

Enjoy a more in depth discussion on LILY Pod Episode 11: Our F-SEEBO Model

Listen to "Our F-SEEBO Model" podcast on LILY Pod as many times as it takes to really get it down. Take notes and make a commitment to do this work in your own life. You can do a lot of this work yourself. Yet we all have blind spots so it is very helpful to meet with a coach and get personal assistance. We are happy to support you along the way! Let us know if you’d like a FREE coaching consultation by emailing us at loveinlateryears.com.

Jeff and Cathy each hold college degrees in the family science field. The principle of least interest is a prominent theory in this discipline. It simply means that the partner who is least invested in a relationship controls that relationship. This is so because the less interested partner is more willing to walk away rather than compromise or change.

We have seen many manifestations of this, such as a wife who is constantly clamoring for her husband's attention while he works long hours to avoid feeling smothered at home. It could be the husband who is pressing his wife for more couple time while she focuses on the kids and her friends, often to the exclusion of her husband.

In the realm of dating, one person may be very excited about another, while that other may still be dating a lot of other people. That dynamic creates a great deal of frustration for both of them. The one who is dating all of the other people controls the relationship because he or she is prepared to pursue other interests, while the other is willing to make the relationship a priority.

If you are the more interested dating partner, here are a few suggestions to help you deal with a relationship where you have no power:

  1. Date other people. If your partner does not commit to an exclusive relationship, neither should you. I have coached people who have protested, "But I don't want to date anybody else. I have found the person I want to be with." Don't invest more than your partner is willing to invest. This isn't a matter of playing games but of recognizing where your relationship really is. For commitments to be meaningful they need to be mutual. If you are constantly chasing someone who is chasing other people, you are likely wasting a lot of time and emotional energy, and smothering your partner in the process. Keep dating other people and give your partner a chance to catch up. Be open to meeting someone else.
  2. Develop other interests. Take a class. Restore an old car. Get together with friends and go to a movie. Do some scrapbooking – whatever you enjoy. Don't overload a relationship with constant demands that the other person "be there" to make you happy. Make yourself happy and accept what the other person is willing to give. Ultimately, if your partner does not get more invested, your relationship is not going to go anywhere and it shouldn't. Occasionally we have seen relationships where the more interested person gave an ultimatum and the less interested person gave into it under pressure. That leads to a marriage to a half-hearted partner. Does anyone want that?
  3. Don't get married where there is a huge emotional intimacy gap. If you are in a relationship where you find yourself always wanting more of your partner, this may not be the right relationship for you. You may have fundamentally different ideas about the appropriate amount of time together and the balance between relationship and outside interests. You might have great physical chemistry and the ability to connect in conversation. But if your partner is not invested in the relationship at roughly the same level as you, it is going to take a lot of adjustment for you to get comfortable in the relationship. You're probably going to do a lot of grieving. You have to decide whether that is something you are ready to do, or if there might be another person out there that is better suited to you.

Listen to our LILY Pod episode which outlines dating etiquette for mid-singles and for married couples. If in addition to these free materials you would like to consider one-on-one coaching for your own dating and relationships, email us at loveinlateryears.com to schedule a free consult.

Enjoy LILY Pod Episode 7: Dating Etiquette for Mid-Singles and Married Couples

During the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic, “the world came together as people stayed apart.” Every time I see a photo or video footage of people in other countries wearing masks and social distancing, much like we do here in America, I am in awe of how we are all coming together globally in a common effort to kindly stay apart. 💕

We have been particularly aware of mid-singles and the unique challenges they face with these unexpected social changes. Please know that you are loved and prayed for. We have been using this time to create elevating resources (writing our book, "Intentional Courtship" and creating LILY Pod podcasts) and new opportunities (LILY Coaching services) especially for you.

We hope you are staying connected in all the ways that you can and continuing to grow and progress in your life's journey.

When we intentionally let go of who we are not, we are more able to remember our wholeness and embrace our divine worth.

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” ― Paul Coelho

That journey can be taken on your own, or you can rely on good books and other resources to support you. If you are interested in assistance, we are happy to provide a free consult for life coaching. 💕

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